Off Topic Blondes

scrimmy

scrimmy

Well-Known Member
R.O.C. (Radio Operator's Certificate)
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money.
 
Must be the same blonde as in this one:
As a surprise gesture for her husband a blonde came home from work early one day only to catch him in bed with another woman.
She screamed "why you rotten cheating low life!"
Startled they both sat up to see her pull a gun out of her purse only to put it to her own head.
In shock her husband yelled out "please don't do it honey!"
She yelled back "shut up, you're next!"
 
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It's going to be a long winter so why not try some wife jokes instead @hvyhaul. ;)

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”.
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

Every married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
 
Oh boy .... a thread that's going to go on all winter ... especially if some of the fairer sex start chiming in .... this'll be fun.
 
alexjf said:
Here's another......Does your Wife ever come out of the kitchen and nag at you,do you know what the problem is? You made the leash too long
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Nope never, we don't have any pets
 
The wife was counting all the nickel's and dimes out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."
 
If you remember a while back, I posted in another thread that my wife has this bad habit of asking me to be her chauffeur, then sits there in the passenger seat motioning with her finger when I should turn, change lanes etc, even though most times she has no idea how to get where we're going if it's not in London or St. Thomas. She also has a bad habit of stepping on that imaginary brake pedal on the floor in front of the passenger seat, counting down the don't walk sign as it flashes the countdown before the light changes, white knuckling the door and periodically, she'll gasp which of course startles me and makes me wonder wtf I'm not seeing that she thinks she is..........I've been warning her for years that IF I could find something like this (see picture) I was GOING to get it for her......so she can drive from the passenger seat.......

1702955964989.png
IF you don't hear from me after Christmas, especially by mid April or early May when I'm most likely to come out of hibernation. PLEASE.......send a search crew to dig up my back yard looking for my body. I FOUND ONE and it's wrapped and under the tree already....it beeps, the signal lights work, it even makes noises when you shift gears.....batteries even came included ;):ROFLMAO:....(in fairness, I told her I despise those damn paper straws you get at most fast food joints so for Christmas last year she got me a package of plastic ones from a dollar store and gave'em to me) AND I do have a VERY nice diamond and amethyst pendant on a necklace she's getting as well already under the tree, along with some clothes she "hinted" she wanted, and I get paid on Wednesday, so I WILL be going out to get her one or two more things, even though she's been telling me from before my birthday last month "it's not necessary" to get her anything. I remind her that I DO NOT have "STOOOPID" tattoed on my forehead. Brave maybe, but NOT "STOOOPID." :ROFLMAO:

When I hand it to her to open Christmas Day, I'm going to tell her it may be the costliest gift I've ever given her, as it may cost me dearly. ;):ROFLMAO: (Yes I have the receipt fully anticipating we'll be taking it back on Boxing Day)
 
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Trevor M said:
If you remember a while back, I posted in another thread that my wife has this bad habit of asking me to be her chauffeur, then sits there in the passenger seat motioning with her finger when I should turn, change lanes etc, even though most times she has no idea how to get where we're going if it's not in London or St. Thomas. She also has a bad habit of stepping on that imaginary brake pedal on the floor in front of the passenger seat, counting down the don't walk sign as it flashes the countdown before the light changes, white knuckling the door and periodically, she'll gasp which of course startles me and makes me wonder wtf I'm not seeing that she thinks she is..........I've been warning her for years that IF I could find something like this (see picture) I was GOING to get it for her......so she can drive from the passenger seat.......

View attachment 82697
IF you don't hear from me after Christmas, especially by mid April or early May when I'm most likely to come out of hibernation. PLEASE.......send a search crew to dig up my back yard looking for my body. I FOUND ONE and it's wrapped and under the tree already....it beeps, the signal lights work, it even makes noises when you shift gears.....batteries even came included ;):ROFLMAO:....(in fairness, I told her I despise those damn paper straws you get at most fast food joints so for Christmas last year she got me a package of plastic ones from a dollar store and gave'em to me) AND I do have a VERY nice diamond and amethyst pendant on a necklace she's getting as well already under the tree, along with some clothes she "hinted" she wanted, and I get paid on Wednesday, so I WILL be going out to get her one or two more things, even though she's been telling me from before my birthday last month "it's not necessary" to get her anything. I remind her that I DO NOT have "STOOOPID" tattoed on my forehead. Brave maybe, but NOT "STOOOPID." :ROFLMAO:

When I hand it to her to open Christmas Day, I'm going to tell her it may be the costliest gift I've ever given her, as it may cost me dearly. ;):ROFLMAO: (Yes I have the receipt fully anticipating we'll be taking it back on Boxing Day)
Click to expand...
by any chance did you drop a hint that a NEW fishing rod would be nice
 
packrat said:
by any chance did you drop a hint that a NEW fishing rod would be nice
Click to expand...
SHE says I'm hard to buy for. I have told her repeatedly for years, "I'm NOT hard to buy for. Fishing stuff, or KNIGHTS tickets. All YOU have to do is be willing to go into the fishin store and ask the guy behind the counter what the best lures for walleye are, he'll help ya, (or she can just go look in my tackle box and get me more of what I already have :unsure:) or go downtown to the Bud box office or the Knights Store at the Bud and get me the tickets." SHE won't do either. That said she also knows I DON'T need anymore fishin rods at the moment. (I WILL though if I win the lottery and get my boat ;):ROFLMAO: )
 
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